I Don't Believe in Love Anymore
5 days ago
Red Alert: Creepy Corona Guy
"There's one in every bar"
If you weren't privy to Saturday night's latest tirade, I have a few things to catch you up on.
Like every bar, we have our share of quacks that come in and make their presence know. Creepy Corona Guy is one of them. Think of him as a mix between annoying-stop-talking-to-me Regular Vegas with the common sense of Half Shot. Then add a mix of 'you have a wife and kids, why are you hitting on me at 2am?'
His M.O is always the same: he corners girls younger then himself, talks their ear off while oblivious they're staring into space bored out of their minds and then tells them this story:
When he wants to hook up with a girl, he tells them they have to first take an STD test. If they panic then obviously they have a little something something. If they don't then they pass his test.
The kicker is:
there is no actual test. Just a line.
And a wife
and the cutest kids ever.
He outstayed his welcome on Saturday night when he started a fight with The Boyfriend over the fact that I wouldn't share celery with him.
I told you we get some special people in Foleys.
Status: Kicked out but likely to be back, because like I said: he's got the common sense of Half Shot, who always comes back.
Time Flies When You Actually Have a Job
"I'd never lie to you unless I had to"
Before Golden Tee and Kapowski come knocking down my door, steal my computer and start blogging themselves, I found some time to sit down and catch up on this little thing I call my blog.
It's been a stressful few weeks between starting my new travel writing career and getting ready for the wedding in October. I've been fighting the Momzilla to make the wedding as simple and as easy as possible, but it's taken a strain on our relationship and before I teetered on the edge of going completely crazy- I went out for a couple cocktails. Or ten.
But here's how I've balanced my new work load:
because you know the ol' saying:
all work and no play can make one very dull bartender.
...Or something like that.
(yes... that is a penis. and yes... it's part of a lamp stand)
Guest Bartending Thursday Night's = Mayham
"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it"
This post is long over due, but I'm still trying to get in the hang of my new writing schedule. But not to fear, The Boyfriend is in Kentucky for two weeks training for his new job, so there will be plenty of time spent at the bar.
Thursday night's we have started pimping out Foley's to a guest bartender. We figured there is only so much of The Boyfriend's and my face you can take during the week so we might as well shake it up as best as possible.
This past Thursday was one for the books:
8:15 pm- Our Guest Bartender arrives
8:20pm- The Boyfriend explains that you can only drink behind the bar if someone buys you a drink. Approximately five customers rush to the bar
By 9pm all the girls have taken their usual position at the end of the bar
Time becomes a non-issue as soon as shots and drinks start flowing
Need more shenanigans? Join us this Thursday night when I take over The Boyfriend's bar shift along with Irish.
Remind me to buy enough jager...
Where In the World Have I Been?
"Half of life is fucking up. The other half is dealing with it"
Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages... I am proud to formally tell you:
I am officially a travel writer.
I will leave the name of the good company that hired me out of this blog so not to drag their name or my impending paycheck through the mud.
After interviewing last week and being hired on the spot there was only one thing I could really do:
Celebrate.
Feeling bold, I ventured away from Foleys and headed to Finnegans with a few good people
Here, I ran into some more good people
and a few good shots
and some wannabe jello things that were suppose to be something like the real thing that Foley's serves Friday night's
As the night wore on and so did the Stoli Blueberry and Lemonade, things got a little...
well like this:
Because I got a job.
The 4th of July. Written on the 16th of July.
"The secret of life is getting up early. The secret of life is staying up late. The secret of life is to try not to hurry, but don't wait."
For those of you who didn't know, The Boyfriend has been on a two month quest to get ahold of his best man. His reason for disapearance was unknown, although we do know it was not for the following reasons:
1. He didn't fall in love and then go into hiding because he found his girlfriend stashing guys in the bushes.
2. He didn't steal/borrow/take money from us and then never return.
3. He didn't fall in love with Irish and check into the looney bin.
Upon his return we celebrated the birth of our country and normal people returning to our lives.
And of course we ate:
The Summer Carnival in Connecticut
"Those who came before him are barely fragments of my life; they're more like the part of the person I use to be rather than the person that I am."
So after my scathing post on Half Shot my computer died.
Half Shot- 1 mb-0
Since then, so much has happened. Summer began and so has the drama.
Business at the bar has picked up a lot since The Boyfriend took over, but as everyone knows success doesn't come without a few enemies. Expecially if you're another bar owner in the area who is trying to keep your own beer flowing.
It's nice though to step out of the nightlife sometimes and play a different kind of game for once.
On a rare night off, The Boyfriend and I headed into Connecticut for the Danbury Fair. A month long celebration of carnival games, stomach tumbling rides and all the greasy food you can consume.
After riding a few rides and throwing a few darts we ended up vying for a fish at the toss your ping pong into the fish bowl game.
After 120 balls we finally won the fish of our choice
That ended up dying the next day.
RIP Fishy
Darts and Drama... That's What Foley's Does Best
"You only find a few people in this world, a few people who will tell you they love you and mean it with all their heart. Don't forget those people who stood by you through it all, the special few that were there for you till the end."
For those of you that were at Foley's last night, this blog post won't come as a surprise to you. If you weren't, there is a very important lesson to be learned:
Never make enemies of your friends and then return to a place you aren't welcome in anymore.
Awkwardness, uncomfortableness, embarrassment and blogging will ensue.
Low and behold, on the first night that the summer dart league kicked off at Foley's, who should saunter in but Half Shot himself.
Playing for the other team.
Shrubs locked her ball and chain onto Half Shot last season and wouldn't allow him to play for the Foley's Dart team because, well... it's us.
Now that she's found another boy toy, she's allowing him out of the house on Tuesday nights to play for another team. Any team. As long as it's not Foley's.
A sad shell of the person he once was, Half Shot couldn't even muster the courage to order a water or come up with a plausible excuse as to why he was playing for an opposing team or why he still fears bushes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
